ANXIETY the asshole.

Ladies and gentlemen I introduce you to Anxiety ,the asshole in your life. You know that personality trait that kind of attaches itself to you without you wanting or getting to have a say. The trait that clings to your soul even though you are desperately pulling away not wanting to go down with that ship. I suffer from major anxiety and I think most people suffer from a form of it. The problem lies with other assholes that judge you for feeling this way without fully understanding it.

I read an article recently that mentioned one person saying to the other, just don't think that way. I thought, Oh yes because that never fucking occurred to me, fer fuck sakes. Obviously if someone suffers from some form of mental health issues and could change it by just not thinking that way … THEY WOULD!!

Anxiety for me feels like I'm never good enough, like my husband is always going to leave me to find someone better. Anxiety for me is lying in bed worrying about things I did when I was 5, worrying that people will judge me for my weight ( that I am constantly trying to control, with no luck) , worrying about dumb things I did when I was a teenager and drunk. I worry about my kids constantly ( like never ever off my mind) . I worry about cars and driving.. for some reason it's a major fear of mine. I worry that family members will hate me for something silly. I worry my dedication to my work will not show. I make myself sick with worry whenever someone picks up a custom order. I am a perfectionist with a little bit of fucking OCD in there. Sounds like a walk in the park , eh?

My point to this blog is that you never know what someone else is struggling with. I am hoping that by writing these blogs with experiences that I have had in my real life more will realize that other people struggle too. Your never ever alone. Just because someone hides behind Facebook with happy pictures of smiling families doesn't mean that they don't have secrets or obstacles to over come in their life. I sometimes post not so happy things and I have been judged for it more times than I can count. Its because I am a real human being. I have thoughts and feelings and I am willing to bet you do too but are just to scared of also being judged to mention it. I have posted a few blogs about my kids, again this is not to embarrass them but to let other moms know WE ARE ALL GOING THROUGH IT. Lets support each other rather tear each other down. Lets talk about it so we don't feel like we have to pretend everything is perfect because we all know that SHIT is exhausting!!!!

Please if any of you need to talk, reach out.. I'm happy to chat and share my own personal experiences so that we don't continue to raise our kids thinking things are always perfect, because they aren't... things can be tough but its how we are taught to deal with tough things that matters.

~RAE~